Nightime

At night time when it's dark and the night begins to flood, I'll think of past time memories. So I know when those moments come to look up in the sky cause in reality I'm lookin directly into your eyes, once upon a time it was all I could do, to keep myself from doing things I didn't think I could. All the right words to say were flyin like a bat, through my head talkin specifically about this and about that, Undecisive and unable to keep a conversation down pat, I would have spoken about how I think the entire world is flat because people are so one sided I can read them like a book. It was all the strength within me I swear that's what it took, not to get up at that moment and look for things which I found mysterious about our past. Think about it, how long did we last? At first we took things slow afraid of going fast like the cars on the highway , but like NASCAR tracks there's no escaping the facts that even within the moment you couldn't hold back the way you said you felt which mirrored the way I still do. I'm lost, it's night time and in my room is where you'll find me, lookin up at the stars hoping that one of those infinitly distant stars light will suddenly rain into my eyes and blind me, but not my eyes, my brain. Take that and leave my eyes for to me it's the same, I'll never see another as Long as inside the place I think inside my skull you remain.

A World Without Violence

Babygirl, close your eyes and picture a world without violence. Where things still go wrong, accidents and mistakes but when they do no one takes things out of proportion with fists. Imagine how we'd all exist, could I love you more? Or better? Though we don't argue or fight I'd be filled with happiness at the delight played on your face when instead of words of disgust in your heart you would trust me to say beautiful things when things got sour. To those that do, put fists into action with slight dissatisfaction imagine a world without violence, instead of fists because mess my fingers on your face I'd caress the beauty that's worth waking up for every morning. So I look forward to it, in the morning get the way I like my coffee wrong, start my day as a grouch just so I can start the early morning with the compliments adorning the things about you I love. Like a Raging waterfall of rage but opposite, no arguments exist in this peaceful nonchalant world. It's almost disgusting, you know how people are when in the public eye they go far to show affection, 24/7 googly eyes head over heels or heels over hearts constant in heart fire sparks would be created, that's the way a world without violence would be operated.

A Song For You

I wrote you a song once. The entire week I dared not speak, I was afraid if I opened my lips to speak the words on my mind like uncaged birds they would flutter away never to be seen again. The scraps of paper that littered my floor were purchased at the store nonstop, and each time the pen would scratch the surface on the line I couldn't help but find myself lost, as if the words were gone. The days began to bleed, into night they melted and when I least expected the moon would leave and in it's place the sun arose. Atlast my task was done, a song on paper written to explain how I was smitten with the angelic being that is you. I raced and raced to your homely resting place to sing for you the sweet gentle mellow creation I did create with you in mind. For miles and miles I had aligned as many people I could find on Such short notice as I raced to your homely resting place to recite the thing I procured from my mind that reminded me of you. And so with shaking hands I took from my pocket the note I'd written that explained how smitten with you I really was, a true confession of my love. Here I stand my shaking hands and legs and feet and teeth and Tongue to acknowledge the mistake I've done, though Your love through song express is tantalizing I regret, I cannot sing.

Your Taken

Your taken I known it, and even though I promised myself I would never
be a dividing line, I don't seem to care. You see my dreams betray me,
in them your mine, and we are love. The movie isn't great, but because
my hand is in yours I'd watch it again if you asked, the seats are
uncomfortable and behind us people are talkin, but the comfort of your
fingers entwined in mine makes my heart beat faster and loud enough to
drown out the annoyance. you whisper to me that your hungry, I'm gone
already to get you something to satisy your needs no matter how small.
The line is long, but it's only a distraction because each second away
is a sadness I must endure before your with me again. The comfort is
back, your with me again standing in this line, you missed me you say,
the movie was nothing without me but really even less without you, and
so we sit, I never take my eyes off you because there's not a second I
don't wanna miss. We are happy like this, but your taken, I know it.

Kinetics & One Love - Airplanes

(Hook)

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shootin stars

I could really use a wish right now (wish right now wish right now)

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shootin stars

I could really use a wish right now (wish right now wish right now)





Beautiful Queen,

I See You Every Night In My Dreams,

Under A Purple Sky Holdin A Forbidden Necterine,

I Wake Up Every Day And Try To Tell You How I Feel,

I Wrote You A Letter But The Envelope Is Still Sealed.

And ever day passin is another wave crashing,

Another poor move that I forgot to make happen,

So the undertow is taken you away with the tide,

While I'm on the sand and my hands wavin goodbye,

Yea, and it seems so innefficiet to me,

I wasn't wishin to be another fish in the sea,

Till I heard a storm coming and I saw sky open,

and then this scene from above fell into my ocean,

Now I can see the heavens I don't have to know astronomy,

And so I hope you follow me into my oceanography,

And fly to the horizon while I got you fantasizin,

I can take you to the moon so we can watch the planet risin,

Cause today somebody told me I should look to the sky,

They said that mercury and mars are visible to the eye,

And the last time that happened was in 1925,

You know that crazy things happen when ever the planets align,

And maybe it's a sign but I would like a shooting star,

Cause like mars even though your visible your still far,

And I just really wanna bring the light back,

I was on the right track up until the light cracked,

If I had it for a second I would seal it in a bag it would be my lava

lamp but I'll be chillin in my pad,

And nothing could be realer then the feelings that I have when I'm

starin at the ceiling and im feeling kinda sad,

And i'm feelin kinda bad all of this time achin waitin patiently for

my phone to be vibratin,

So I'm wishin that you'll call yo I slumber and I dream and I hopin

I'm awoken by you're number on my screen.



(Hook)

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shootin stars

I could really use a wish right now (wish right now wish right now)

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shootin stars

I could really use a wish right now (wish right now wish right now)



Close your eyes picture us together at the top,

Hold my hand baby and well jump off at the rocks,

Rope swing into the gorge we can hold the same knot,

I don't ever want this moment to stop,

But I kno it doesn't last forever so I wish I had a camcorder,

so I can film you blowin me kisses under the water,

We hold each other close like we're on the same team,

ITs you and I floating down the stream,

We just drift,

Further down the river like incubus,

Wondering if my transmission was aqueous if we had to seperate and

take another lover could we ever meet again and share what we had both

discovered,

This river has a tendency to rearrange it's particles,

And suddenly were at the lovers tunnel at the carnival,

In the swan ride and I'm starin at your lips cause I really wanna give

you a kiss,

Like this,

But then you dissappear and the swan stops,

And I'm in my dorm room starin at my alarm clock

I really hate the feelin when I have a happy dream and I wake up in

the morning and curse my reality,

So the next time i have it Imma seal it in a bag it would be my lava

lamp but I'll be chillin in my pad,

And nothing could be realer then the feelings that I have when I'm

starin at the ceiling and im feeling kinda sad,

And i'm feelin kinda bad all of this time achein waitin patiently for

my phone to be vibratin,

And I found out whenever I'm layin down on my mattress in my rapid eye

movie your always the main actress,

So I look for shootin stars when it pains hopin that the airplanes are

fair game,

Cause if I had one wish that I could speak I would ask to be the last

thing you think about before you fall asleep.



(Hook)

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shootin stars

I could really use a wish right now (wish right now wish right now)

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shootin stars

I could really use a wish right now (wish right now)

Ooo can we pretend that airplanes are shootin stars

Cause I could really use a wish right now

I could really use, a wish right now.

Shihan - This Type Of Love

I want a love like
Me thinking of you
Thinking of me thinking of you type love
Or me telling my friends more than I’ve ever admitted to myself
About how I feel about you type love
Or hating how jealous you are
But loving how much you want me all to yourself type love
Or see how your first name just sound so good next to my last name
And shit I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you
And I barely made it out of my garage

See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep
And wonder if she’s dreaming about us being in love type love
Or who loves the other more
Or what she’s doing this exact moment
Or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts
Closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good
Could hurt so much when she’s not there
And shit I love not knowing where this love is headed type love
And check this, I want to place those little post-it notes
All around the how she she never forgets how much I love her type love
And not have enough ink in my pen to write all there is to love about her type love
And hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel

And I want to deal with my friends making fun of me
The way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love
Only difference is, this is one of those real love type loves
And just like in high school
I want to spend hours on the phone not saying shit
And then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me
And smell her all up in my covers type love
I want to try counting the ways I love her
And lose count in the middle just so I have to start all over again
And I want to celebrate one of those one month anniversaries
Even though they ain’t really anniversaries
But doing it just ‘cause it make her happy type love
And, check this, I want to fall in love with the melody the phone plays
When none of us dialed into it type love
And talk to you until I lose my breathe
She leaves me breathless
But with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me

I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan
To something allows me to talk to her longer
‘cause in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves
And I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are
I mean the lines on my palms don’t give me enough time
To love you as long as I’d like to type love
And I want a love that makes me st-st-st-st-stutter
Just thinking about how strong this love is type love
And I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair
Well, maybe not all of the hair
Maybe like I cut the split ends and trim my moustache
But it would still be a symbol of how strong my love for her

And check this, I kind of feel comfortable now
So I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light
Just dying to get hit by a car
Just so I could lose my memory
Get transported to some third world country just to get treated
Then somehow meet up again with you so I can fall in love with you
In a different language and see if it still feels the same type love
I want a love that’s as unexplainable as she is
But I’m married, so she’s gonna be the one I share this love with

The Sirens

The sirens howl their protective screech, loud and clear all through 
the night. What was once a still calm time is now a storming fight. 
The people scream and shreek with fear, while small children and 
animals cry, lost among the terror of the night.
Confusion sweeps upon them all, scattering to flee, running to go, 
hoping to escape with their lives.
But in the distance there is no movement, one alone stands, wonder and 
fascination clearly visable upon the face that stares down the thing 
that motivates all else to leave.
They run.
One remains.
The winds are angry now, whipping and screaming their persistant 
threats, wild and ferocious snarls tear through the night.
Still one remains.
It approaches, with it comes the sand funnel shaped and huge reaching 
from the heavens themselves to touch down and destroy.
The fascination peaks, The one that remains is no longer still.
In long great strides the monster and man do meet, and in one great 
pull he is drawn into the howling vortex, terror, adrenaline, and 
wonder run through his veins. He is pulled upward, through the mass of 
debris into the very center of the beast, and he rises, no longer 
spinning, eyes wide unable to blink though they burn in the wind, and 
for a moment he is in the heavens themselves, and then the sky turns 
black.

Her Story

So I sat there for a while,
Thinking of the story she had told me as a child,
Young and unknowing sweet and innocently so,
At a gathering of friends some uninvited guests decide to show,
All goes well,
The event carries and evening is upon them,
Time to leave they say and she makes home with those she categorizes 
friends,
The atmosphere changes,
From across the room all the while festivities were had,
She had been noticed as something of a possesion to be grabbed,
She tho not at fault for beautys origination,
Is often plagued for it's acompannying tribulations,
And so when time saw fit for the scene to change,
A maniac was revealed with features by all definition deranged,
There in the night unnoticed by all,
Was where her reacurring angst was sparked to stall,
Her pride and love and even trust,
Are no more shared as once they was,
For on that night though all maniacal deeds were stopped,
A part of her self conscious dropped,
And so though outside she smiles her smile,
Inside shes scared, my little child,
My long lost love has gone away,
But inside of me she stays to play,
She lives and breathes and smiles and cries,
Still beautiful through remembering eyes.

The Long Run

Where are you now, love? I chase you in my dreams, through all our 
previous memories and conversations. We talk then run you always in 
the lead, and when I've almost got you you manage to escape, slippery 
as a fox some would say, though I kno the honest truth. I will not 
catch you in these dreams which come to me at random, and if I do I'll 
let you go again to run from me once more, because ive come to look 
forward to our running, however long the chase may be.

Old Soul

He is an old soul, once driven simply by the desire to create. Once alive simply for the creativity, for the ease and simplicity of creating, but now, he is dead.
In the dim light, covered in a thick blanket of dust and all things old he is seated, a large oak desk stained from lack of light, coated in dust sits in front of him. Directly in the center is an old typewriter, stained old paper in the ring, a ream of just as ancient paper in a neat file sitting next to it.
His final resting place for hundreds of days and nights, he sits, back slightly hunched, forearms resting barely on the desk hands positioned over the typewriter keys unmoving. His body, though not dead, is not alive, his hands once great conductors, magicians of creation, are shriveled, dead and useless for an unknown time they rest.
His body, though unalive does not suffer the same fate as his hands, for they were the instruments, the creators of stories of tales of things unknown. It sleeps, unmoving, slowly and steadily growing older, it needs no nourishment, it is alive but dead.
But now, in the dead of the night, it happens, the fingers unmoved for decades twitch, they curl, the bones and joints creaking from lack of use move.
In a Blur they come alive, atrophy forgotten, and go to work, creativity flowing, powering them as they move effortlessly across the keys, they dance along leaving just a click of the keys behind, as they begin their newest story.

What Scares Me Most

the things that scare me most, are not your typical fears. they are not the boogey man, or that one house down the street, they are not spiders, or snakes, heights or rain.
What scares me most, is when i close my eyes, your voice rings through my ears, i open them, and you are not there.
what i fear most you could not possibly understand, if i sat, and talked, and described to you what happens when my eyes close, you could not understand, you would not understand, it is a nightmare in intself.
what scares me most, are the memories i have, not the sweet ones i look to when i see something that reminds me, but the foul ones, the ones that i dare not speak aloud, for even writing them brings a cold sweat to my forhead.
what truly terrorizes me the most, is when i remember how nonchalantly you told me the things i did not want to hear, how you so easily described the things you did, and how it seemd to have no effect, when inside my soul was being ripped to shreds.
What i fear, is not knowing what is going on, not following your life, not knowing if you are in need of the help you are to proud to ask me for.
What i fear, are the things you did, the ways you did them, and the fact that i once was sure beyond a doubt, with every fiber of my being that you would never do those things but now i am not.
What terrorizes my body when my eyes close, are things that should not be there, things that time should have stolen away.
when i close my eyes my nightmare begins, although i rarely sleep, my body has found a way to betray me, it does not need the sleep it once did, closing my eyes is sufficient for the nightmares to consume my ever thought.
What scares me most, is that you still visit me, you flaunt these things in my face and every nightmare i have seems to remind me that i am not yours anymore.
That, is what scares me most.

Love and Hate

In Love.
Each blink of the eye records the moments which matter most, each breath brings reason to move throughout the day, reason to see that source of love. Each moment is cherished and seen with new eyes, each word is saved in the mind. A special bond between the heart exists, and that person, the one you see differently then the others, makes that love possible.That person is everything, that person is air, and food, and life, and that person is never forgotten.

In Hate.
The soul turns a different color, a nasty vile creature is what it becomes. It shames itself with impure thoughts, thoughts of death, and murder, regrets. It feeds on the emotions those fear, it kills and maims, it does not please. For those weak enough, it consumes, fueling a journey of weak and sad things, of horrible and disgusting decisions, insecurities and imperfections.

In Life.
Both exist.

The Funny Things.

How much longer will we play this game?

to go on with our lives like nothing has changed, is to accept defeat and begin to cope with it. But how then, can i not accept defeat? death? perhaps a sweet shallow quick fix? a quick solution to the problem? but in death there is no life, so how can i live if i decide that one day there might be hope.

Do i give in and accept defeat? a strategy i set into motion so that one day things may be as they once where? or do i realize that through my hopes and wishes i must see that things can never be, so death? or life with defeat?

regrets? or be free?

but can i really choose the latter? can i simply say i will be free, and be free? can saying the words outloud take from inside the regrets i hold already? will i be free simply because i want it badly enough? no.

though i can paint, and have become very good at telling stories, i can create my outer, because my inner is nothing, i can paint a picture to match your expectations, and weave a tale so thick, disbelief does not exist when the words lay upon your ears.

but happiness is not approachable, only imitable, it is not truly living to live with defeat, it's merely acting, a fine performance it shall be.

Her

She laughs. She listens and she watches,and she drinks and she drives. She cries.
she does the things she thinks will make her seem alive.She lies.

She laughs only when they do, and listenes not to them, but to herself, she watches the others, in their fluid unappealing manners, she drinks to alleviate the pain, she drives in hopes tonight is the night.

She lives. But she is dead, a walkin nothingness consumes her, she hides.

She realizes, perhaps a little to late, that life in it's grandest mysteries is often times considered great.

through pain painstakingly beautiful eyes she watches, she does what she assumes is expected, she lives.But she is dead.

When the pain comes, she allows it swallow her essence, to rip apart the very fibers of her heart, to shred the very threads of her mind, she wishes for closure, for acceptance, for recognition, it does not come.

She is no more than a droid, life is but a game, one she has mastered, she knows it's rules and abides them, she knows its boundries and does not test them.

She Lives. But She Is Dead.

5/21/09 - Rain

They all say it's dangerous, no doubt it is.
That even then, with all the thunder and lighting, i cant help but sit in the big couch at the front of the house, staring directly into the street.

it's raining, hard.

and even though they say the big tall trees that loom in front of the drive way, as if protecting the house from all danger, will be the first to know the sting of the lightning, i cant help but wonder, and think to myself, statistics cant always be right.

It's a storm outside, wind,and rain, and thunder, and of course ligthning. thought it is majestic, and hold a beauty of its own, i know what hides within it, past the blue and white dazzle of it's treacherous mask, danger.

They tell me it's dangerous, but i cant help feeling the need to stand, and slip outside, slowly and very sneaky like a fox, to take my chances standing in the middle of the street, where no tall trees can shield my body, where the powerful wind can whip the tiny drops of rain into me, and where thunder can boom at me from high above, as if warning that it brings danger with it's loud beastly roar.
Take my chances i think, with the powerful lightning, fast and deadly, majestic and beautiful in it's own way, and breathtakingly dangerous. i cant help but wonder what it would feel like, if perhaps on accident i were to find myself a little lost tonight, i wonder if i would feel the pain. if i would remember my deepest darkest thoughts, and feel once more before my heart exploded in my chest, a great and beautiful love.

They tell me the wind, and rain, and thunder, and most of all the lightning are dangerous, but i find the wondering most dangerous of all.

5/16/09 - I've Finally Realized

Im in love with her, but it is not you, though it may look like you on the outside, by all means resemble you on the outside, physically of course it is you, but I don't love you, my love is for her. I never realized how it was staring me in the face, they say people change, I've never believed that, but you once told me so yourself, you said that you've changed, and I turned a blind eye to it.
I see now that I was wrong and you, like so many other times were right, it is not you I love, not this person you have become, this thing you call yourself,this imposter. It was her, indeed you are as beautiful, physically, if not more, but the things I loved of you are gone now, lost or perhaps hidden deep inside, but love to me was not the physicalality of you, it was what you were made of, your beliefs, your values, your inner child, your innocence, and that,you have seen to it, was destroyed.
Its like a million pound weight has been lifted from within me, I finally realize the things one fights for when in love, only become clear with time. It was then that I would have given my life for you, though I dare say that is still so, it was then that anything you wished for would have been yours, though you would have fought me no doubt against it, it was then that you loved me equally if not more than I did you.

So I realize now, it was then that you will live in my head and my heart, it was then that you were the most precious thing I have ever known, and will ever know, it was then that I chose to love you forever, and although we have gone our separate ways, it is then that you live on for me, but it is now, that I feel I must tell you, I hate what you've become.

5/16/09 - She is The One

She is the one
The one who hides from her past
The one who puts on her facade each and every morning
The worlds best actress.
She lives her life as if her past didn't happen, she smiles when things hurt, and laughs when she feels like crying, she is sad inside, but doesn't show it. She is the one who goes through her day, thinking about her past, and the stupid choices she made. She goes on living, if it can be called that, happy on the outside, dying on the inside. She is the one who answers no when someone asks if she's ever been in love. Her days are happy and cheerful, noone is the wiser.
Her nights however, are dreadful, she dreams the past she hides so well, memories she tries to forget, not because of the pain, but because she feels the need to punish herself. She cries most nights, until she falls asleep, slow sad tears stream her face, she hides it well, making no noise, but inside she is screaming. And on those days, when she answers no, her dreams are the worst, his face fills her mind, his voice fills her ears, and their memories become hers again.
She is the one
The one that loves no more.

5/15/09 - Love Me?

On nights like this, when I get home late, exhausted, and weary, nothing pleases me more than to find you asleep in our bed. No matter how tired I am, I can't help to lay next to you, and watch you sleep for a few minutes, the relaxed look on your face, the faint smell of your perfume, puts me to sleep with a smile on my face, and only one question in my mind, will you still love me tomorrow?

On days like this, when the sky is dark, the clouds are gray, and the sun shines bright, it makes me wonder if god can't make up his mind. A gentle peaceful view, as if he cannot decide on sun or rain, and in those clouds, surrounded by the brightest sunlight, I see your face, as if god is sure of one thing, the sun shines bright, It brings a smile to my face and I know today will be a good day.but I hope that maybe you'll still love me tomorrow?

5/7/09 - Everything Is Changing

My world is changing, and not for the better. The things I once knew are gone, people, friends, family, everything isn't how it used to be. I look around and don't recognize anything the same, I fear for the future. People I once cared about are becoming filth, decisions made in the spur of the moment are affecting their lives. People I used to love o hardly recognize anymore, people I despised give me more reason to. Did I make a bad decision? Why can't I seem to be where I want?

5/4/09 - Her Book

When she got tired of all the bad things, of all the nights spent awake crying in bed, remembering the bad relationships she's had so many of, the endless days spent doubting good things, she laid on her floor with a book in her hand.

A book she'd started a long time ago when things were decent and she had hope for herself. A long time had passed since then and page after page was filled with names and numbers, each bringing back memories she'd rather forget, faces she'd long hoped not to see again, and pain from mistakes she'd unintentionally made. After what seemed like many hours passed by, time spent feeling down, saddened by the many bad relationships she'd put herself through, she stumbled, quite accidently, upon a single piece of folded yellow paper nudged in between two pages. This opened to reveal yet another name and number, this particular name and number however was very different from the rest, in that she felt saddened by this memory only because it was perhaps the only one of all that made her sad because she had let him go, he had been the one good memory of the bunch